Chapter 9

The Deep Heart

The Great Heart Holds the Human Heart

embrace the wounded heart the with bigger heart
let the human heart be found by the heart of being
— adyashanti

the ocean is never separate from the wave

the wounded heart
learning about the impacts of childhood trauma
researchers have found that children respond differently to adults with traumatic events

we can break the ancient cycle of suffering by recognising who we really are and by accepting and being with our conditioning in a spacious intimate and affectionate way
by doing so we vindicate our ancestors by transmitting their suffering to a more enlightened way of being
their suffering where we can feel compassion an understanding is our wake-up call
in the end we discover psychological conditioning is not personal, belong or refer to anyone
it is an unconscious heirloom of innocent confusion

learning how to rest in and as awareness is the most important step
we need to be well resourced when we delve into our psychological conditioning
loving spacious awareness is our greatest resource

sit with the following questions
take notes and allow 30 minutes for this process
sense your heart area as you respond

• did you feel mostly safe in your family if not what did you experience where there patterns of abandonment neglect or abuse in your family
• were you exposed to emotional or physical violence
• were there losses of significant loved ones, if so how were they handled
• did you often feel anxious, angry, depressed or ashamed. how did you adapt or defend yourself what impact did this have on your ability to be in touch with your heart
• how is this conditioning affected your sense of self-worth
• how has this conditioning affected your relationships
• what have been the greatest resources for your sense of healing and well-being
• what are you grateful for in your upbringing
• take a minute to access the sense of spacious loving awareness
• feel it warmly bracing you and your conditioning just as you are
• what came up for you as you answered this self inventory
• were there any surprises, how does your heart area feel now
• is there space for these experiences to be as they are

what became frozen can thaw
what hardened can soften
what tensed can relax

feeling of a hole in the heart if you’ve been neglected or abused
called deficient emptiness
this is a psychological emptiness rather than a full emptiness
we tend to avoid a psychological emptiness and then act it out for others to fill or distract us
we project our unrecognised sense of intrinsic value onto others hoping that they will recognise and restore us
psychologists call this a mirroring deficit
we often hope a romantic partner will supply it
the pattern goes we idolise our new partner and then become disappointed in them
one way or another we bury our sensitivity, innocence and openness

what was broken can mend
what was buried can be unearthed
what apparently died can resurrect

it takes patience, love, understanding, kindness and often a little help from my friends for this to happen
as this healing and integration happens perhaps slowly and never completely we are grateful to be as we are

when you are aware of a disturbance in your heart area signaled by a contraction allow it without judgment
don’t indulge the thought it shouldn’t be here
because this judgmental belief will only create distance
if the reaction is too strong in the moment take a step back
and simply notice you can sense and feel the reaction
noting that you are aware of it
give your attention to the spacious awareness
even if it feels like only a sliver of space
feel the edge of the reaction and what lies outside of it
spacious presence is always here
when you are ready step from the sense of spacious presence into your experience with innocent affectionate curiosity
when you are free of an agenda you can be intimate with your experience
let yourself feel what you feel even if it’s numbness the absence of feeling
feel it as pure sensation how does it feel in your body, form and density
is there a belief that goes with this feeling in sensation
what is your deepest knowing about this belief

the wounded heart is a portal
wounds serve as excellent portals
because the heart is the most easily accessible portal to our true nature the wounds in the heart area are also potent powers to our true essence
when we go all the way into a bottomless dark hole it opens into another dimension
astonished and relieved we acknowledge what we have protected all along
that which feels essential
it is important to re-inhabit our self

the idea of a clarified ego
the point is to illumine separate sense of self
not to annihilate it

when we are at home in a self that we are really here
even though we can’t say exactly where here is

to truly live as a human being we must embrace all aspects of our life
it’s not enough to have profound glimpses of our true nature

terror and shame are often tightly interwoven and are usually the most common blocks to really sensing our inner knowing and acting in accord with it
if you were free of terror and shame how would you act
the brief window of clarity can emerge in the next step will show itself
even if we’re not quite ready to take it

remain patient with yourself
kindness and gratitude quite naturally fallout from the depths of the heart